Monday, December 16, 2013

Envy

I have been struck recently by the "if onlys."  I do not usually think of myself as an envious soul, but there it is.  The clarity I have prayed for is...well... clearer.  I stand myself next to others and feel myself a pale comparison... yet I also know, thanks to this God-given clarity, that I am doing what God would have me do, that I am offering what God would have me offer.  It is still all-too-easy to be envious of the stature others have gained.  Still the Star shines, and sometimes I even see it, and know I'm slogging in the right direction.

My eyes
Hold hazel
With a hint
Of green.
In the newfound clarity
I see myself a pale comparison
And yet
And yet
I do not really want
To be like them.
Not really.
Still my eyes give me away.
I read biographies,
The letters added to names
Before and behind,
The volumes published.
Even with this hint of green
I continue subtraction
This resolute subtraction
In God-given clarity
In the darkness so deep
I slog as though
Through mud
Still
The light of the Star
The darkness does not overcome it
Even now
My eyes hold hazel
With a hint
Of green.
And still the Star
Shines.

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