Sunday, October 30, 2016


Ah dreams.

In a dream last night
Everyone wore
A short-sleeved
Plaid shirt
Different patterns.
I sorted them
Into categories.
So many resisted
I thought
I was being helpful.
I stood back
And watched.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Waiting trees

Autumn colors

Our redbud
Is yellow.
It is almost
The ginkgo at church
Waits in gold
As well.
The churchyard is filled
With pumpkins
For now.

Friday, October 28, 2016


Now I am an advocate
For research
Of all kinds.
I was not treated
Like a mouse
Or a hamster.
Everyone asked me
If I was comfortable
If there was anything more
They could do.
The medical team
Showed up
At my bedside
Every morning,
Asked me questions,
Good questions.
Then they left.
And now
I am home.

Thursday, October 27, 2016


Working my way back in, gradually.

I am home
Pieces of things
Are added back in.
This week is clients.
Next week sees physical therapy.
Throughout everything
The kitten brings me
Her reindeer mitten,
A relic from
My daughter’s childhood.
I throw it.
She brings it back,
I throw it again.
I am home
Here comes the mitten

Tuesday, October 25, 2016


First appointment with my neurologist this morning. He was stunned that I "made it" into NIH.

Accomplishments are sometimes
Not our own.
I am the first
Of oh so many patients
Of my neurologist
Who has made it
How did you do it?
He asked
How did you do it?
It was not mine
This accomplishment
It was a smidgen
My son
My daughter
My first husband.
It was not mine
But still
It was.
How did you do it?
I flew.

Monday, October 24, 2016


Being home is good and right.

This is right.
Shadows of trees
Play through
The open
Front door.
Cool enough air says
You are home.
This air
Is not conditioned
On anything
Except the weather.
This air
The unconditioned sun.

Sunday, October 23, 2016


It’s good to see green
Watch the cats
The birds
My beloved drinking coffee
At the dining table.
It’s good
I tell you
Here we are
All of us.
Soon a walk
To the corner
And back.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Lost words

Home and thinking about NIH, One of the medications I'm on (I believe) makes word retrieval sometimes difficult. For a "word person" this is hard. Still, I have names for a couple more pieces to the puzzle, The neuropathy in my legs and feet was caused by my being on floor in a particular position for hours in April. It even has a special name "toilet seat neuropathy." This appeals to my quirky sense of humor. They found "bright spots" in my brain, which will need to be watched, My EEG shows I am predisposed to seizures. Who knew?

When I take my time
Lost words
Are found
Rather like lost socks
In the washer
In the dryer
Or never washed
At all.
When I take my time
Lost words appear
From the bright spots
In my brain,
Those undefined
Bright spots.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Two more steps

The legs and feet have nothing to do with the epilepsy. The nerves will return on their own. I greet my feet every morning, say goodnight every evening. My beloved arrives this afternoon, along with the MRI. More brain pictures. Meanwhile my sloth and I do our version of cavorting in the hallway.

Waiting for my beloved
And the last MRI.
Two steps
To leaving.
I walk
Up and down the hall
With Rosemary.
I wait well
These days,
Take in particular data
For the doctors
Back home,
Me and Rosemary
Walking the halls
Of this place.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016


Running like a sloth with Rosemary.

Now I walk up and down
The halls
With Rosemary, my sloth,
In the pocket of my walker.
She is my company here.
One patient told me
About her recent trip
To Panama
Seeing wonderful two-toed sloths
Do you know they
Can move really fast?
She asked.
I didn’t.
Now I know.
Now I can dream about
Me and Rosemary

Tuesday, October 18, 2016


No birds to watch out my door or window I make them up.

Everyone admitted
To the floor
Is admitted by two people:
One who knows
The ropes,
One who is learning.
I watch them walking
By my door
In twos
Almost like
Mother duck and duckling.
I expect them
To quack.

Monday, October 17, 2016

The trick

Yes. I am still amazed.

There is time
And more time
So they can actually hear,
Actually see
What goes on
What does not
Go on.
So much has been ruled out,
So much
Ruled in.
And there
I think
Is the trick.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

NIH day 6

Do I have answers? Sort of. No seizures recorded, but some recommendations for my neurologist. 

And so
I have had
A wide range of tests.
They say the wires
Will come off tomorrow.
Two more tests
Then probably home
By the end
Of the week.
I have learned more
What it isn’t
Than what it is.
This is oddly comforting.
I will return home
For more physical therapy
My butterfly braces.

Thursday, October 13, 2016


I'm not sure I can even begin to describe this experience. I will write my way through it, but there will most likely be fewer blog entries.

They look at
The whole body.
I am not just
On a video monitor.
Here I am more
Than a woman
With epilepsy
Even the radiologist
Sees my AFOs
Asks questions.
Here everything
Is connected

To everything else.

Saturday, October 8, 2016


Sometimes enoughness arrives and it is so clear.

There comes a time
To quit
Not quit
In a negative way
But quit to move on
Claim the amazing
The clear possibilities
Never known.
There comes that time
To say
This is enough.
Here I am
Eyes wide open
Ears waiting to hear
Here I am chanting
I quit.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Walking carefully

I think we are always learning how to walk

Now I have
Two sets of braces
One too big
One too small.
Today I wear no braces,
Practice walking
I know
I will have to choose
One set of braces
On Monday.
Today I practice walking
From a good friend
I understand
There are
Special blister bandaids
So many things
To explore.
Today I practice walking
No braces
At all.

Thursday, October 6, 2016


Sometimes watching animals helps.

I watch the squirrels.
They own the backyard like no
Other. They own it.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016


Wow. More waiting.

The schedule has arrived.
When I am hooked up
I will not be able
To leave my room
For three days
To two weeks
It is done
The taxi will bring me
To the room.
There I will be
Until it is done.
Someone professional
Will read the results.
It will be a different kind
Of done.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016



Gradually putting things together
For Bethesda
Three days
To two weeks
Socks and underwear
Pills and button-down shirts
Trying to remain
So they can capture
What they need to
When I get there.
I do not want
To use up seizures.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Different order


Once more
There is a different order
To things
Than I would like.
I will go across the country
With my beloved
Wearing too big braces
No butterflies.
They will watch
To see
Where my seizures
I will walk
The best I can
Or not walk
If need be.