Here I Am Again

 Here I am again

Two seizures

Three doctors

One ER

I do not remember much

This is the way

Of my  epilepsy

Bother

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Father

 It is Father's day

It is also your birthday

This year

 

Before you died

Our mother moved it

Back one month 

As if such things

Can be moved around

 

This year

It is your birthday

And Father's Day

A fitting thing

 

I remember

I have moved it back

To its correct date

 

Something New May Come

 Something new

May come

Something new

Always comes

I sit in my chair

Watch the milkweed

For the monarch's arrival

Watch rhe goldfinch

Swoop

Swoop aagain

Find the thistle seed

Sock

Swoop

Swoop again

The Edge

I live on the edge

I serve on the edge

It has always

Been so

Just so 

The liminal world

Has been mine

From the beginning

Til now

The Wind Blows Through

The wind blows through

Front to back

Back to front

The cat catches it

Watching the birds

Through the screens

Front to back

Back to front

Wherever the birds

Catch her interest

The robins seem  

To be her favorites today

Tomorrow it may be

The sparrows

She is a creature

Of whim

 

Krystallnacht

 We're not the same

As them

Store windows smashed

Streets filled

With broken glass

Capitol breached

We're not the same

We would never do

Such things

Not us

Not us

Surely

Not us

Connected

We are connected

One device to another

Telephone

Computer

My sleep doctor reads my sleep machine

On line

Begs to differ with me

When I say

I'm doing fine

 

No, you're not

He states firmly

Over Zoom 

 

My seizure watch

Alerts the family

To seizures on the horizon

Because most often

I do not know

They are galloping in

Until after

I have been left

In the dust

 

 

Booth

Peter

 

Stood excited next to Him

On the mountain

Was Jesus tempted to let him

Build it? 

Was he tempted

To  consider companionship

With Moses and Elijah

The ones who got the drift 

Send the disciples back down to the valley

After the construction

 

 Mary

The house down the road  matches the robin's

Egg-blue shrine to Mary

She chuckles 

When we drive by

My friend's son called from Labrador

He will have three days in Kuwait to get acclimated

Before he arrives in Baghdad

I prayed the Stations of the Cross last night

 I  never could get why the Roman Catholics

Worshiped Mary so much

I believe I understand now

But now I realize she allowed

Her Son to be sacrificed

Mine is not the same thing

Of course  not

I whispered

But it is

Sukkoth

During the Feast of Booths

A temporary shelter is raised

In backyards

Roof open to the sky 

Meals are shared there

The kids camp out 

For days

A remembrance of the forty years

We are always meant to move on

Roof open to the sky

 

Home

 

Let us build a booth

See the stars

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Revision

Do you revise

Your poetry?

Sure 

You write every day

But what about

Another look

At the same poem

Don't leave her behind

Take another gander

Not a goose

But a gander 

Are there other ways

You may say the same thing

Are there other ways

The same subject calls

Have you said enough

We'd like to hear more

 

 

 

Jellybeans

Erik, age five,

Got one watermelon jelly bean

When he finished his breakfast

My mother visited

She said

We don't eat jelly beans

For breakfast

Here we do

I said

Here we do

Simply and Wonderfully Made

 All is

Simply and wonderfully

Made

Whether we notice

Or not 

We must put on

Our noticing eyes

Our noticing ears

Then 

The world changes

No

The world speaks to us

The world swoops

Like the goldfinch

In the backyard

Treasure mined

Next to the linden

Doctor's Notes

The notes arrive

After the visit

They remind me

Of my physical history

The medications I take

When the follow-up

Will come

There is always

A follow-up

Next month

Of course 

Next month 

 

Retired

The more people I tell

I'm retired

The more real

It feels

Retirement does not come

Easy

Still

One person 

At a time

With

That a girl

That a girl

You can do it 

I may get there yet

 

Sensible Shoes

I learned the importance

Of sensible shoes

From my mother

She is gone 

But sensible

Comfortable shoes

Stay

I remain grateful

For the lasting knowledge

Of sensible shoes

It is knowledge

I have passed on

To my daughter

Full-Blossomed

 Full-blossomed

The crab apple out back

Catch it before

The blooms

Are blown away 

 

Full-blossomed

The singular red tulips

Catch them before 

The petals fall off

In the wind

Full-blossomed

The spring

Catch it before

It moves

To summer

The fruits arrive

 

Full-blossomed

Our children

Catch and hug them before

The wind

Has its way with them

Then

Hug them again

 

 

 

 

Good Shepherd

I am

The Good Shepherd

The flocks I lead

Are many

So many

I find them

Everywhere

No matter where or how

They are deemed

Flockworthy

They are mine

I claim them all

Street Strider

The Street Strider arrived

Exactly specified 

For my height

Assembled

Ready-to-go

Except

I cannot go 

Why do such things

Feel

Oh so familiar

One more stride

I cannot take

Derek Chauvin

I am thrown

Back into prayer

Back into the up-welling surge

Of sorrow

Of an overwhelmed state

Of unknowing the next steps

While knowing

What the next steps

Will be 

I am thrown

Back into prayer

And prayer

Again

Find Another Way

When the old ways

Don't work

Find another way

 

When the old paths

Go missing

Find another way

 

When best laid plans

Are no longer best laid

Find another way 

Sit and wait

Sit and wait

Sit and wait

Find another way

One Rung at a Time

I climb

One rung at a time

And only

When the ladder appears 

When my ankles allow

The step

Then

Only then

The next step

This is so slow

One rung at a time

And then only

When the ladder

Appears

 

One Red Tulip at a Time

The sun fills the sky

More and more

When I open my eyes

Walk around block

Take it in

One ray at a time

When I see the cardinal

One bird 

At a time

 

Everything is meant

To be savored

Individually

One red tulip

At a time

Hope Springs

Hope springs

With this season

Unlike last year

 

We pay attention

To the forsythia

Anew

Through freshly opened 

Eyes

Awake

To new possibilities

 

We remember

What has gone before

So much 

Has gone before

We do not forget

We must not forget

 

Still

Hope springs

With this season

The Red Bud Begins

The red bud begins

Its hither thither blossoms

I first discovered

It in college

Only to find the blossoms

Outside

The bedroom window here

Leaping forth

From even the trunk

No other tree

Does this

Like this

 

The crab apple in back

Blooms

In a much more organized way

Each blossom with the potential

Of an apple

 

 

 

The Girl Arrived

The girl arrived 

On the plane

Yesterday

She always comes

With new things

For us to do

Sometimes we say yes

Sometimes no

She is downtown

With the boy

Having lunch

We do not know

If she arrives

With a separate list

For him

Their relationship

Is their own

We will never know

The Seeds Arrived

The seeds arrived by mail

Yesterday

Wildflowers

Red clover

Clover balls to bury

With the yard cleared

By the lawn people

There is room 

To plant

On Easter

Even though 

We will not see growth

Immediately

Soon

Soon

Soon enough

Easter is a season long

 

Breathed His Last

Christmas

To Good Friday

He breathed His first breath

Then His last

Where have you been

In between 

In between the inhale

In the manger

The exhale

On the cross

Where have you been

In between

And now

Where are you now

 

I Add Myself Back Into the World

I add myself back

Into the world

One small step

At a time

A toe

In the water

Then a foot

Then a step back

A toe forward

These things

Take time

Remember

These things

Take time

Found Art

Found art

It's everywhere

To be discovered

 

The bird on my bookshelf

Was created

From left-behind 

Beach barbecue grills

 

Found art

It requires the eye

For discovery

To see the requisite bones

Contained within

 

Found art

That beach barbecue grill

Origami-folded

Into a crow

Wings spread

Beak open

Perched 

On the bookshelf

 

Found art

 

 

 

Ease Back In

Things begin

To ease back in

To more normal 

I realize I am not so good

At easing

There is a possibility

To pace

To take small steps

Before strides

I will never run

But I can

Ease back in

With the rest

Of the world

 

Riding in on a Donkey

Holy Week 

From a distance

It comes riding in

On a donkey

In the parking lot

We all will wait

To be part 

Of the parade

Peer into the temple

Still shrouded

In pandemic 

A foretelling

Of what is yet

To come

All or Nothing

All or nothing

My first retreat

Until I force myself

To consider

There are options

In between

Again I need reminders

The options 

Are endless

Sometimes I sit

With nothing for awhile

Until something

Comes along

The Hope and the Fear

I hold  them together

The hope and the fear

Together one

 

If left divided

One cannot inform

The other

Hope can have no knowledge gained

From fear

Fear no knowledge

From hope

 

Any knowledge gained

Is knowledge

Intertwined

New Breath

With new breath

Comes new life

 

With new life

Comes new perspective

 

With new perspective

New possibilities 

Arise 

And then they will be there

To be harvested

The fruit will surely come

But what the crop will yield

Remains

Unknown

My Job Was to Come Before

My job

Was to come before

The others

To follow

Expand the vision

 

My job now

Is to watch 

To put an

Atta girl in here

An

Atta girl in there

My job now

Is to write down

What I see

Cobblestones

We seek smooth roads

Find cobblestones instead

They jar us

Awake

Only to think

We may find

Smooth roads

No

Cobblestones

 

Friends I May Never Meet

There are friends

I may never meet

 

Let it be

 

Still 

I count them

As friends

No matter the meeting

 

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

 

 

 

 

Fennel

The fennel

With all its

Furry fronds

Takes over

The refrigerator

It will be part 

Of several salads

This week

I find the fronds

Everywhere

Tracked from the kitchen floor

To points beyond

 

Conundrum

When two things

Call out

And you answer both

At once

Which one begs the most

The bigger one

The smaller one

The one who most needs

Your attention

When tomorrow comes

Who will you tune in to

To gather more information

Or less 

In the morning

Who will take precedence

Hair

Have you ever thought

To dye your hair

He said

You might have an easier time

Being taken

More seriously

If your hair

Was blonde

 

Abscission

I search for words

To name the cycles

Of the seasons

In autumn

The deciduous drop

Of leaves

Is called

Abscission 

So many words

To name the natural order

Abscission

Is often paired

With senescence

Except senescence

Refers to 

The growth 

Of new fruit

The old must leave

For the new to come

 

New Translation

I bought myself

A new translation

Of Scripture

This Lent

Already things appear

Different

The wilderness

Is just as wild

But from a different angle

This is what new translations

Do

In addition

This translation

Has color pictures

Pussy Willows

 He shows me he loves me

With pussy willows

No roses will do

But pussy willows

Carry strength

And catkins

If left in water

They sprout green

He shows me he loves me

With pussy willows

No roses

Are enough

Herd Immunity

For us to develop

Herd immunity

First we must agree

To see ourselves

As part of the herd

Do our part

He Will Not Go Quietly

He will not go quietly

He will not go 

Diplomatically

Diplomacy was never

A strong suit

Yet we sent him

All over the world

As our face

As our voice 

Now

When he doesn't get his way

By bluster

He has nothing else

In his quiver

Now 

He stands

On the outside

Shooting arrows

In

He will not go quietly

St. Philip and St. James

I was ordained

As a lady in red

Red suit

Red vestments

I drew the line

At nail polish 

The color of the day

Was red

So I wore red

Yes

Red shoes as well

Red Bathrobe

She fills her feeders

The lady in red

The snow melts

She believes the ducks

Can fend for themselves

I imagine her

Looking out

Her back window

Binoculars trained

Bird book

In lap 

Maybe her bathrobe

Is red as well

I imagine her

One with

The cardinals

The Earth is a Golf Ball

The Earth is a golf ball

When we crack the first layer

There are more layers

Underneath

Just so

The Earth is a golf ball

One layer offers 

Miles and miles

Of rubber band

Meant to be unwound

Just so

 

The Earth is a golf ball 

Only magma underlies

If we pierce the skin

No rubber band

Only lava appears

Just so

The Earth is a golf ball

Will we ever 

Reach the core

I tried once

Gave up

Just so

Waiting for the Vaccine

We'll call you 

They say

Wait your turn

They say

Meanwhile I have registered

In three counties

Made more than my share

Of phone calls

Internet searches

They say

West Virginia has its act

Down pat 

We'll call you

Wait your turn

Have you checked here

Have you checked there

Perhaps a road trip

To West Virginia

Barely Into Lent

Barely into Lent

The wilderness remains chill

Air frigid and dry

 

Relative Coldness

Minus 35 in Hibbing yesterday

We always used to compare

How much better we had it

In Minneapolis

Where it was just below zero

International Falls was

Minus 37

For sure it was colder

Than Minneapolis

At minus 17

Here in Chicago

It was somewhat warmer

Still

Texas was not clad

For this weather

Even in the forties

Fallow (A Villanelle)

The fields lie fallow for the coming of Lent

Snow covers all that waits for spring

Under the cold is autumn spent

 

We wait for Easter when new life is meant

The fields return to gold and green

For now, fields lie fallow for the coming of  Lent

 

Before Easter the veil is rent

First things first,  that's the thing

Under the cold is autumn spent

We understand little but soon a dent

Little by little we humans bring

Fields lie fallow for the coming of Lent

 

The smell of spring is but a scent

We long for the odor while on the wing

Under the cold is autumn spent

 

We leave behind the days unspent

 Snow covers all that waits for spring

The fields, they're fallow for the coming of Lent

Under the cold is autumn spent

Crack of Dawn

It spreads across the sky

Out the window

Soon blob of sun

In the middle

But first

Only a lightening

Where the blob would appear

The crack of dawn

An egg cracked

Its yolk soon spread

To the corners

Of the morning

 

 

 

Full-time Life

Part-time life

Does not exist

Life just depends

On what we fill it

With

It is always filled

With something

Today builds on

Yesterday

And the day before

Part-time life

Does not exist

If we but pay attention

We will see

What happened yesterday

And it counted

As full

Interchangeable?

What are the differences among

Counselors

Coaches

Spiritual directors

Is it all

In the training

In the sitting

In the attention paid

Are they sometimes

Interchangeable

Do they all sit

At the feet

Of different masters

Different mistresses

Or do some find their way

Alone

 

 

Three Things Scheduled

Three things scheduled

Two cancelled

Perhaps I will make

The soup I considered

Last week

The house will smell

Fragrant

Dinner will be ready

Earlier

Than usual

Perhaps the soup

Will be better

Tomorrow

It always tastes better

The next day

Then biscuits

With real butter

 

Wombats

Wombats poop in cubes

I'm sure

There are people

Who specialize

In all parts

Of wombats

They do have

Cute faces

It would never

Occur to me

To research

The other end

Time Frame

Time is so often

How we frame it

Is this the beginning

The end

Really aren't we always

In the middle

Somewhere

Is today a workday

A family day

A single solitary

Sabbath

To be followed

By another Sabbath

And yet another

Yes

Time is so often

How we frame it

Parentheses

Brackets

Open ended phrases

Like the poetry I write now

No periods

Growing up Together

In the midst

Of the pandemic

We both forgot

Our twenty-fifth

Anniversary

Until three months

Had passed

It's a good thing

We don't measure

Years

The same way

As some others

But then

We celebrate every year

With memories

Of growing up

Together

Even though

We didn't meet

Until our thirties

Instead of

Instead of

What have you done

For me

Lately

What have I done

For you 

 

Instead of 

Beating you

To the punch

May I beat you

To

The notice of

Your kindness

Offered

To me

And others

May we

Ease into

All of this

Gracefully

Together

Cliff

Which cliff

Shall I leap from

Today

It's bound

To be a cliff

If today is like

Most others 

I get into trouble

On a regular basis

I must be doing

Something

Right 

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Fearfully and wonderfully

Made

We are

All creation is

Even earthworms

Even ants

Even sunflowers

Even weeds

Be careful what

You uproot

It may have been intended

To be there

For unknowable reasons

Fearfully and wonderfully 

Made

Every part

Of us

Snow

 

Snow

It coats the limbs

Considers the sidewalk

As a place

To linger

 

Snow

It marks the footprints

Of those

Who made their way

This morning 

Snow

It hangs out

On the milkweed

In the backyard

It may be gone

By afternoon

But as usual

We shall see

What happens

Next

One Thing Only

On my way

Down the stairs

I imagine what

That one thing 

Will be

One thing only

Requires attention

Before coffee

Before I plow through

Email

One thing only

To land on paper

Before 

Anything else

First things

First

Hippos Run Rampant

Hippos run rampant

In Colombia

On the loose

From Escobar's zoo

While they are endangered

In their African homeland

They are nasty

In Colombia

They multiply

They trample

Their freedom

Is not contained

Bernie's Mittens

 I arose 

From the North

I know

How to dress

I have only knit

One pair of mittens

In my life

When I was 22

Those were 

So tightly knit

My husband

Could not wear them.

The scarf

Yes

The mittens

No

I consider mittens

Again

Inspired by the man

Without the hat

Still

I have moved

In more craft directions

I would need to learn

To knit

All over again

I am considering

Socks

Gap Year

Gap years 

Used to be

For the wealthy few

To explore distant parts

Of the world

2020

We all took

A gap year

At home 

With masks

When we gather again

What will we have learned

In the gap

Fragments

Were we whole

To begin with

Before we were scored

Shattered

Into fragments

Shall we

Be matched

Into the old

Or into a new

Beginning

With reference

To the old

Red Lentils

Time to make dal

Smell the onions

The garlic

The curry

The ginger

Red lentils cook down

Quicker

Than brown

The dal

Will scent the house

Sooner

That way

 

 

Houseboat in the Woods

When the boat

Was no longer

Lakeworthy

They placed it

On land

In a clearing

In the woods

My grandfather slept there

We used to run around

The outside

Of the boat

Ring the bell

The houseboat

Was too scary for us

At night

Animal eyes

Might awaken us

We slept upstairs

In the green boathouse

Under piles

Of blankets

It always smelled vaguely

Of diesel

We listened to the waves

Glass Darkly

Now

All is not clear

There is so much

Unknown 

This dark smoked

Glass

Waits

To be cleared

Cleaned

Of all 

That has gone before

We wait

For the smoke

To clear

So our dim vision

Can see through

The haze

It All Flows Into the Sea

It all flows into the sea

The water

The liquid 

Which holds

So much

Of who we are

We merge

No matter our aim

To remain

An individual drop

We all flow

Into the sea

There is beauty here

If we but open

Our eyes

We forget we flow

Into the same ocean

Sometimes there comes

The sting of salt

In our eyes

In wounds

We forgot

We brought with us

We are the ocean

 

Flying Squirrel

How many adaptions

Did it take

To develop

The flying squirrel

To fly

(Albeit soar)

Eat fungi

Live in treetops 

How many tries

Til now 

And how many

Will it take

From here 

On out

And

To what end

Harbinger

There will come the time

May it be sooner

Rather than later 

Jesus

Has just been baptized

We wait for the crowd

To get the message

John was not

The final word

But the harbinger

Signaling the dawn

The real beginning

 

Broken Glass

Sometimes it takes

Broken glass

To figure all

Is not whole

Inside the house

 

The person

Inside the House

Is not as whole

As some might make

Of him

 

Four years and now

Broken glass

Walls breached

We are not immune

There are windows

To be repaired

Thank You Notes

After Christmas we wrote

Our thank you notes

Sat at the dining room table

Until we were done

At the very least

We had to write

Thank you

For thinking of me

In this season

And

One thing we appreciated

About the gift

Even if it was only

Its magnificent color

Too Close to Call

It seems most decisions

Are 

Too close to call

They get caught up

In hopes

In wishes

In

Finally

Will we have the answer

In 

Finally 

There are 

Still more voices

To be heard 

The voice which cries

In the wilderness

Makes the decision

Too close to call

Next Things

Thing one

Thing two

Dr Seuss

Comes to mind

Patience is the order

Of the year

Still

To take on patience

As a resolution

Is not specific enough

Thing one

Thing two

Consider the simplicity

Of Dr. Seuss

Not just for children

What comes next

And then what

I Have Muscles I Did Not Know

I have muscles

I did not know

Until they appeared

Knotted

Stretched

In new ways

A heating pad

Is my new friend

I shall name her

Samantha

Keep her close

Until 

My hamstring heals

 

Resolved

Add a piece of fruit

With breakfast

Only one cup

Of coffee

Yes

Only one

Donate a cup 

To someone in need

Of warm hands

A warm stomach

Consider what's next

There's always

A next