Origami crow

It is my beloved's birthday. He is sleeping in because that is one of his favorite things to do. I am grateful I bought his birthday present in March, before all Hell broke loose. He is a particular fan of crows. All birds really. But crows in particular, This is part of his present as well. One I can still give in the aftermath of Hell appearing.

I want to get back

To writing every day

Somehow

Writing every day.

It doesn’t quite matter

What I say.

Today is the birthday

Of my beloved

I bought his present

Before all Hell

Broke loose.

Did I know something?

I lie in the rented hospital bed

With his present

Displayed on the bookshelf

In front of me

An origami crow

Made of recycled barbecue grills

Found on Brighton Beach

Even though we vowed

Not to collect any more

Things

At this stage in our lives.

How could I resist

An origami crow

Made

From recycled barbecue grills

Collected on Brighton Beach?

I bought it and gave it

Before

All Hell broke loose.

Did I know something?

In the midst of life

Today brought a gift of a sermon to my email box. 

http://inwardoutward.org/tag/lent-year-b/?utm_source=inward%2Foutward+email+subscribers&utm_campaign=cd4721c677-The+Story&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_791e8aa8ec-cd4721c677-70564269

A gift for my sixtieth birthday. Lovely.

In the midst of life,

We are in death.

In the midst of death

Life.

Palms strewn

Donkeys ridden

Crowds cheering

On the way

To the upper room

To the Garden

To beyond.

But that is for later.

In the midst of life,

I am in death.

In the midst of death,

Life.

Today my birthday

Holds hands

With both,

One on either side.

We intertwine our fingers.

All is as it must be.

If I hadn't asked

I move more slowly these days.  Sometimes this is a bother. Sometimes I think I have it figured out, except I know, really, I have it figured out... for now. Like what my son might like for Christmas. I have a wonderful idea, so I run it by him. I never would have known if I hadn't asked.

I finally figure

The pace I need to go

In order to do

The important things.

I think I finally figure

The important things

Except I know

These will change

Tomorrow.

There is no finality

In this sphere,

Only what I may do

Today

One thing at a time.

I think to ask my son

What I believe he may want

For Christmas.

While that would be nice

He says

I’d rather have

A particular

Something else.

I never would have known

If I hadn’t asked.

Something else it is.

I never would have known

That particular

Something else

If I hadn’t asked.

No vertigo

Amazing how grateful I can be to wake up clear-eyed with the world not spinning.  My goldmine for today.

Sometimes the absence

Of something… comes as a gift.

Where's your treasure?

Much as I would like

Sometimes I wonder if one of the gifts of later onset epilepsy is the realization that the whole list of things I thought I might accomplish in my life is really a much shorter list, a pared-down list that has refined my focus to the people and things God intends for me to focus upon.  Hmm.

Much as I would like

To stand and walk,

To drive wherever I wish,

To witness

In bold and eminently visible ways

So no one

Can possibly miss me;

Much as I would like

To be called

Elsewhere,

To be named perhaps

In purple

So everyone might hear;

Much as I would like

Even

To tromp into the wilderness,

Wait for people to come

And find me;

Much as I would like it,

Those roles

Have been filled

And filled

And filled again.

This role is mine,

Even if one hears,

Even if one sees,

This one,

This role

Is mine.

The gift

I actually had to write this before I could get to the end of it.  It's amazing to me what putting words on a page will do.

The gift of Thanksgiving this year

Will be making sure

The vegan

Possibly fasting

Ethiopian woman

Will know herself

Utterly and completely included.

But

No.

The gift of Thanksgiving this year

Will be the presence

Of every single person

Around the table

No matter what

Each one of us

Can eat.

Compromise

My beloved, the political scientist, sees compromise as a good thing.  He teaches students the importance of compromise, to see that all good political decisions involve some level of compromise. So often we see compromise as something we need to settle for.  I did not choose this, we say.  This is unfair, we say.  My beloved, the political scientist, offers the idea that compromise just might be a good thing.

Again I think

I am compromised.

To move

Just slowly enough,

More and more

To stand on the edges,

To watch the cat

Sleep in the sun.

Again I remember

Not to rush

And

In my half-full brain

Perhaps

Not to think of this

As compromise;

Not to think of this

As my lot in life;

Not to think of this

As forced retirement;

But instead to see

The possible gift.