Love

It's the small things.

Leaving work

I forgot to wear my boots.

This morning we awoke

To snow blowers,

The plow.

This morning

My beloved

Will shovel the walk

In front of me

As we walk

To the car.

We may notice

A bird or two.

He will drive me

To work.

Some may think

Such things are small.

No.

No.

No.

Covenant

My daughter is writing a paper on God's covenant with Hagar. I like it. A lot. Got me thinking. That'll preach.

God has a covenant

With each and every one of us

He has never limited it

She has never limited it

To one person

To one people

To one place

On earth,

Even most probably

To the Universe.

God has a covenant

With every thing

Everywhere

I will never leave you

I will always love you

How can I not?

How can I not?

Independence Day

Wedding rehearsal last night.  Wow.  One of the best rehearsals I have ever participated in.  Wonderful assistance by May Anstee and Rinda Allison (DOK), and a bride and groom who thought through so many particulars.  Stunning.  

There can be no independence

Without interdependence.

I see this

No matter that we missed

The fireworks

Last night.

There can be no independence

Without interdependence.

I see this

As I remember yesterday’s

Wedding rehearsal

And think about

The wedding tomorrow,

The sermon I will preach

From the middle of things

Without notes

Because it takes all of us

All the time

Looking each other

Eye to eye,

Hearing each other

Ear to ear

Holding each other

In love,

Holding each other

Accountable,

Holding each other

Just to hold each other

Beloved.

I look at the days ahead

I learn a whole new set of things.  This does not mean forgetting to spread the love, even if only from the blue recliner.  There are different ways to practice presence.

I look at the days ahead

Name the things

That absolutely require

My presence,

Reschedule the rest,

Spread my love

Beyond and beyond

Save what I can.

Lose

What must be lost.

Remember to spread the love

Even if only

From the seat

Of my blue chair.

The dreams were grateful

Holy Saturday.  One of my favorite days of the year.  Love covers a multitude of sins.  Peter reminds us of this in the liturgy this morning.  Jesus is out emptying hell, even my private hell, even your private hell, breaking open hearts.  Jesus is out covering a multitude of sins.

The dreams were grateful 

I slept in 

This morning.

They supplied interesting things

To keep me in bed,

Add an hour or two

To the usual eight or nine.

The morning is bright

With sun.

Jesus is out

Harrowing Hell

Opening hearts to possibilities

Unknown

Unforeseen

Up until now.

The dreams were grateful

To add more sleep

To the picture.

Now my heart considers

The possibilities

For the rest of the day

And beyond.

Hospitality and love are free

Nearly thirty years in the priesthood informs what I do as a counselor in my office under the altar, next to the Parents' Day Out (PDO) program.  Of course it does.  I offer what I can, when I can. As I grow in the combination of priest and counselor and spiritual director and writer, I find I can offer more and more, even as I can receive more and more from others and from the world.  My own therapist/supervisor/consultant/spiritual director reminded me of this recently.  I pay for the sessions with him, but the hospitality and love are free.

There is plenty

To do

In my office

Under the altar.

First sessions are consultations

And free.

I have raised my regular hourly rate.

Since the ATM machine delivers

Twenty dollar bills,

I continue to charge

In multiples

Of twenty.

The church rate has now gone

From three-quarters

To half-price.

I do not take insurance.

I will never take insurance.

Confessions are heard

Completely free.

I continue to charge nothing

To care.

I still care for those

Who have moved on.

They are tucked away

In the corners of my heart.

Hospitality and love

Remain

Completely free.

They will keep me occupied

With plenty to do

In my office

Under the altar.

And above.

Safety

I know someone who attended the funeral of a friend*s parent and was confronted with the presence of unconditional love.  So much love she had to leave the church early.  She has never gone back.  She will drive distances to sit with people behind bars for life,  but love set completely free?  No.  I hope to sit with her and face the love... head on.

They fled the tomb

When it was empty.

They knew

It was something so large

So incomprehensible

They had to run away

To safer places.

To upper rooms.

To Emmaus.

To Timbuktoo.

To the moon

Or beyond.

Safer places.

As if.

As if.

It is not Easter yet.

It comes.

It comes so soon.

It is here already.

He comes and nothing

Will ever be safe

Again.

Nothing really.

Sit with me.

We will face it together.

Love leaps forward

Usually if I keep talking, eventually love leaps forward.

I know

When the first words

Out of my mouth are

I shouldn*t have to…

My best self

Is not the one

Speaking.

Usually the word that follows

Is

Apologize.

After all it*s not my fault

As fault goes

I shouldn*t have to…

Mostly waits

For someone else

To go first.

Even when

I shouldn*t have to…

Jumps out of my mouth

I know my best self

Is not the one

Speaking.

Then I hope and pray

For other words.

I know if I keep speaking

Eventually

Love leaps forward.

So many things count as love

For my sweetie, my beloved, Jeff.  

So many things count as love:

The double bunch of tulips

Crammed in the vase;

The invitation to dinner

Tomorrow night

So we can wait home tonight

For our daughter,

Now 16,

Out to dinner;

The endless series

Of cards with small children

Holding hands,

So we can remember our childhood

Together

Even though we met

In our mid-thirties;

Together

Noticing the squirrels in the backyard

As they fluff their tails;

Seeing the way the cat

Matches the new floor tile

In the kitchen.

So many things count as love:

The fist bump

Over the top of the shower stall

When leaving;

The call before coming home

Once again.

So many things

Count as love.

Witness to love

Having to arrive early to see my now-consultant allows me to witness other things... like this woman with four, then five children in the waiting room.  She holds them on loving loose tether, but still, tight enough.  She is amazing to watch.

The woman sits and waits

As I sit and wait.

She waits with two in a double stroller,

A bouncy four year old,

An eight year old.

As I overhear conversation,

Only one is her child.

As she waits

She holds a container

Of Cheerios,

Doles them out

One at a time.

She addresses each child

Individually

And specifically

And lovingly.

I imagine she waits

For the mother

Of the other three.

It turns out

I am wrong.

Her daughter comes out

With the therapist

Just before I am to go in.

The woman leaves,

All five children in tow.

I am amazed.

And I continue

Amazed.

The trick is to love anyway

What*s to say?  It*s been quite a week.  I have learned some things about the way in which the brain works in my life, from neo-cortex to amygdala to neo-cortex to anterior cingulate (great names for great brain parts... see this link: http://knowledgeisnecessity.blogspot.com/2012/02/cortical-factor-what-is-going-on-in-our.html#.TzLnFUbiBnM.facebook  by way of longer explanation.  I have watched it illustrated in myself and others this week.  I have learned the trick is to love anyway, no matter what.  The trick is to stay engaged and love anyway.  Certainly not always easy, but sticking with it, no matter what it is until it reaches the empathy spot... that*s the ticket.

The trick

Is to stay engaged.

The trick is always

To stay engaged

For the long haul.

The trick

Is to watch the logical brain

Move to primitive response,

Maybe back to logical,

Then hopefully

Down to the source of empathy,

Allow mirror neurons to speak

To mirror neurons.

The trick

Is not to get stuck

In fight or flight

Or freeze

But to keep moving,

To stay engaged.

The trick

Is to love anyway

No matter where the other

Is stuck.

The trick is to notice the stuckness

And to stay

Engaged.

When all else fails

To notice

And notice

And notice

And love

Anyway.

Weak coffee

Sometimes love is not calling attention to weak coffee, but drinking it anyway.

Weak coffee this morning.

I made it pale,

Without limp intention.

I did not employ the careful plans

Of so many scoops

To a cup,

So many cups

To a pot.

In the morning

I do not count.

Truth be told,

Counting has rarely got me

Anywhere,

And

My non-measure eyeball method

Usually works.

Still

This morning

The coffee is weak.

My breakfast companion who counts

Scoops and cups and pots,

My breakfast friend, with care,

Does not note

The pale demeanor

Of the coffee.

Love comes in different shapes and forms

I have a new office window.  It opens and shuts and has a screen!  I know there were people on Sunday who were a mite confused by my enthusiasm and offer of window tours.  Sometimes the oddest things contain the aura of love.  Love comes in different shapes and forms.


I now have an office window

That opens and shuts.

It will let the breeze blow through

When things cool off a bit.

There is even a screen.

The privacy curtain

Is in process.

It surprises me how such a simple thing

Can bring such joy.

One Sunday years ago I preached using

A stuffed anteater.

 I pulled it from a paper grocery sack

At exactly the right moment.

It was an illustration of love

Coming in different shapes and forms.

The anteater was a spontaneous gift

From my family.

They know how much (perhaps inexplicably)

I love anteaters.

I think I explained it well enough

In the sermon,

But I am sure there are people

Still confused.

Jesus, after all, never talked about anteaters.

I feel that same way about my new window.

It opens and shuts and has a screen.

When it is cool enough

I will let the breeze blow through.

Love comes in different shapes and forms.

On Sunday Laurie gave me a framed anteater print

For my office.

I don*t know whether anteaters

Are a private thing

She said

But it seemed right for your office.

The print now stands on an office shelf.

I can see it when I turn my desk chair.

I have a window that opens and shuts.

It even has a screen.

And

I even have an anteater

On the shelf.

Who could ask for more?