Thursday, August 14, 2014

Bottom

I remember saying to my therapist: Oh, I can't be depressed... I have anxiety, He said It's possible to have both.  hmm.

With Robin Williams throwing the spotlight once again on depression and suicide, and the whole world commenting on whether he died from an illness like cancer, or didn't choose to stay alive, or some subset of the spectrum... I think about last winter, in particular.  Remember last winter, the winter that wouldn't end?  I do.  While I cannot say my bottom was like Robin's, or like the bottom of any number of people I know, I have had a taste of what it's like.  And I know no one's bottom compares to someone else's bottom.

The bottom I hit
Last winter
Was nothing like
The bottoms I witness
In so many
Still
It was low enough
Even almost
Subterranean
Or maybe
Under water
Where the phosphorescent fish
Live
Only blinking
Sometimes.
The bottom I hit was
No
Not like so many bottoms
I have witnessed
But still low enough
To know
I prefer not to live there
And will do anything
I can
To emerge to the place
Where light
Is more a constant thing
Not only occasionally
Blinking.

1 comment:

  1. One of the cruelest things I ever heard a psychiatrist say (in general, not to me) was "It's not unbearable; it's only almost unbearable." I appreciate this poem for what you don't say, even more than for what you do.

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