Envy

I have been struck recently by the "if onlys."  I do not usually think of myself as an envious soul, but there it is.  The clarity I have prayed for is...well... clearer.  I stand myself next to others and feel myself a pale comparison... yet I also know, thanks to this God-given clarity, that I am doing what God would have me do, that I am offering what God would have me offer.  It is still all-too-easy to be envious of the stature others have gained.  Still the Star shines, and sometimes I even see it, and know I'm slogging in the right direction.

My eyes

Hold hazel

With a hint

Of green.

In the newfound clarity

I see myself a pale comparison

And yet

And yet

I do not really want

To be like them.

Not really.

Still my eyes give me away.

I read biographies,

The letters added to names

Before and behind,

The volumes published.

Even with this hint of green

I continue subtraction

This resolute subtraction

In God-given clarity

In the darkness so deep

I slog as though

Through mud

Still

The light of the Star

The darkness does not overcome it

Even now

My eyes hold hazel

With a hint

Of green.

And still the Star

Shines.